14.1.15

journals

Journaling is an absolutely fundamental part of my practice. I love it. I have always found it a joy since we were instructed to keep visual journals for each project in college, continually recording and noting my thoughts as my work and ideas developed. For most people in my class, it is a chore which is rushed in a panic the night before a deadline, and while I am guilty of doing this a handful of times over my 3 years in IADT, I generally pace myself and work consistently on mine over the course of the project(s).

I had an absolutely massive clear out today and went through all of my old journals, some which were kept for college, and others which were for personal projects. Just yesterday I had a conversation with one of my class mates about how much I love to keep journals and all of these things combined with my determination to get this blog back up and running has prompted me to scan some of the pages and share them all with you!





The scans are pretty bad, but you get the idea. I've been obsessed with this blog lately http://fuckyeahjournalss.tumblr.com/ and have been searching Pinterest to peek into other artists' books. There's just something so interesting about looking into this little window of another person's mind?!

Do any of you journal? Do you do it as part of your college work or just for your own self? Would you be willing to share with me!? c: 
I'd love to see some!

Anyway, you can expect another post or two before the end of the week! It feels good to be back.
Until next time!

10.1.15

haze


Wow, well just excuse me a moment while I wipe away the COBWEBS from my blogger dashboard. It's been nearly two months, what. Yeah, since my last post things have been a major roller coaster but I'm delighted to tell you all that I've managed to complete one of the projects that I missed, and write a 3000 word essay, while battling my mental illness with a shield and sword over the hectic Christmas period all whilst working in what was confirmed to be the 2nd busiest McDonald's in all of Dublin over the course of the season. Deep breaths. 

Some major highs and major lows, but I guess that's just who I am. I'm getting there though and for the first time in a very long time I'm starting to feel creative again, and actually have some ideas forming. Something that I really thought was never going to happen again when I was trapped in my sadness during my darkest days. 

Typically, these images are bordering on far-too-personal, not unlike anything else I ever post here. Whatever. I've a project on oversharing in the works anyway so what of it.

As always, make of these what you will but I will tell you this- this work has been printed with some alternative processes, which is the last project I have to catch up on since my absence. Here shows examples of some very bad and very wishy-washy van dyke and cyanotype prints. I like the faded effect though, I suppose it nods a little to how I was a shadow of my normal self when struggling through that hazy time. 

You also probably might possibly recognize the photo(s) as being the Polaroids from this post. I used these mostly because they were made almost exactly a year before the same feeling which I hadn't really experienced since then came creeping back up on me. (Look at the date on the post and the date on the doctor's note above). Notions of memory and nods toward that stupid trait of mine which means I find it near impossible to let things go and then the use of a (((photographic))) process which takes time and practice to get right and perfect and fine tune and make better. Lots going on, still not quite a sound enough brain to make entire sense of it. Yet. 

Anyway. You can expect more of this (if you'd like) as I'm more than likely going to be moving into the alternative processes room in college next week trying to complete the project. 

Until next time!



25.11.14

absent

I don't know where to begin with this one. You all probably forgot this blog even existed. I kind of did myself. Things have been very bad lately. Probably the worst they've ever been, and I say that every time, but I think it's really true in this case. The last month and a half/two months or so have been absolute hell on earth. Literally I have never been so low in my life and I've had thoughts that scared me to death, or rather nearly to death, if you catch my drift. 

I basically dropped out of college and haven't made a photograph since the very beginning of October. The greatly anticipated photographs from Cork Fashion Week are dormant and collecting dust still living in the back of my camera, wrapped around the spool.

The last week has seen a significant improvement and today was my return to college, where I met with my tutor to try figure out what the fuck I'm going to do about all I've missed. I like to think that karma will play some kind of part in all of this and everything will work out just as a "reward" for making it through the difficult times without offing myself. I want to complete this year in college and I can't believe I might have messed up my chance to.

I was very, very sick though. And it was only coming out of this period of darkness in my life that I realize just what stupid notions and taboo still surrounds mental illness. When I took two weeks off work my doctor didn't hesitate to write "influenza" on my sick note when he really should have written depression. Someone in work asked me "what are you depressed for?". Family members told me that I'd "just have to get out of bed and try to make an effort". What is that like? Why didn't my doctor write what was really wrong with me? It's a legitimate reason to take time off from work. Would my friend in work as someone "what they had diabetes for?". Would my family tell someone with a broken leg to "just get out of bed and try" to get on with their life?

As I begin to feel better and attempt to complete a mountain of college work, I've found myself thinking a lot about this as a topic on which to make work based on. I am probably going to incorporate my experiences over the last while into one of my projects in an attempt to wrap it up, and even get a sense of closure on the whole emotional journey. I guess I'm getting back into using photography in a way that's therapeutic and helping me understand what is going on with myself.

I hope you're all well in anyways. It feels good to be posting here again.

Until next time.

23.9.14

the bad and the good

Hello! 

I don't have any photos for you today, but rather some updates I felt you all needed to be made aware of. As you all know, I was nominated and shortlisted in the Blog Awards Ireland, but unfortunately the other day I found out that I will not be progressing any further in the competition.

To get as far as I did as a relatively unknown blog with only one writer making posts about stupid personal things and not really making that many views was really incredible and I'm just so grateful for all the support and all the people who told me they really believed I could win!

Of course I'm upset and disappointed but I really don't have all that much time to be. Just last night I was contacted by one of the organisers of Cork Fashion week requesting my photographic services at the event, among some other things. So I'll be Cork-bound the weekend after next to shoot BTS at the Designer of the Year show and also to snap some lovely Irish street style too. I have no idea what to wear.

I'm also back in college which is great but also stressful. I already have so much to do and I'd forgotten what a killer that commute was! I have a lot on my plate right now, and I really need to sort myself out and try to organise myself so that I can do everything I need to do - both personal projects and college projects - without having a complete breakdown and/or running out of steam. 

It is so weird not including any photographs in a post. I'm actually going to throw something in, can't cope, it's too weird.


Our latest college brief has me thinking about dreams and memory again, so it'll be interesting to see what comes of it. Especially since it could be reminiscent of my old way of working. Who knows. The ideas are fresh and still evolving though so I have no idea what will happen.

Until next time!